Snow White- a twisted Fairytale
by Havok in Greenwood
Summary: A twist on the classic fairytale where Snow-White is the evil one...


Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

A twisted fairy tale

No amount of sunlit dust could hide the grandeur of the mirror. No paint could disguise its glimmering golden frame, carved with more incredible images of fantasy than you could ever imagine. The magic mirror could tell you anything, all your hopes and dreams. If you asked whether your handsome prince was coming to save you, it would say either: _'No, he has fallen in love with someone else' _or _'Yes; you shall live happily ever after.'_

If you asked what was for dinner on Sunday, it would tell you: _'Steak pie with mashed potatoes and green beans' _or whatever else you were going to eat. It would answer anything.

The mirror itself took great joy in answering these questions. It gave it both reasons to criticise and compliment. It adored viewing a different face and being asked a different question each passing day, but each day was like the one before, the same question, the same face.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who is the fairest of them all?"

As red as if fresh blood had been thickly smeared over them, her massive puckered lips were carved sternly into the definite shape of a pout and her snowy white face was surrounded in charcoal black, burnt seeming hair. She was beautiful, though, with clear and well defined cheekbones and brown eyes as gorgeous as melted milk chocolate.

It was always the same answer. The silhouette of a head would appear in seconds and a low voice would always utter;

"Tis you, Snow White, my princess standing there,

Tis you, for only you are fair."

But that day, the answer was different.

"Darling princess, I'm sorry to say,

The Queen is far prettier onward from today."

The fair, snow-white skin of her well rounded face distorted into hideous red of a sunburnt tomato.

"How dare she!" Snow- White screeched so loudly that the mirror had to pray it wouldn't smash into shards of mirror-glass. She stormed from the room, slamming the creaky wooden door behind her so fiercely that it shook and groaned for months without end.

Snow-White was a clever girl, and although she was only fifteen, she had amazing experience with poison. When she was only six, she had killed her own best friend because she wouldn't share a cake. She had snuck into Georgina's room at night, while her friend was sleeping, and dropped three drops of 'Green Envy' poison into the wide open, snoring mouth. That morning, Georgina was dead.

This meant that her plan was easy as pie, apple pie. Snow-White knew very well that the Queen adored a good juicy apple, especially good red ones. 'Red Ash' was known as perhaps the best red dye in the world **and **the most dangerous poison that Earth had ever contained. So her plan was simple: all she needed now was an apple.

The courtyard was known well for its famous fruit trees, as there was one of every kind: peaches, bananas, mangoes, more exotic fruits than you can possibly imagine. But all that Snow-White was requiring today was the 'Pink Lady Apple Tree' which was labelled with a stone carved neatly into the shape of an apple. She chose the best, juiciest apple and hid it in her dress.

Back in her room, Snow-White gently placed the apple on the table. Casually strolling up to a little cupboard in the corner, she pulled a string from around her neck. Hanging lightly on it was a tiny bejewelled silver key. She slid it into the lock and turned it. The cupboard was filled with minute glass bottles with lids like that of an eye-dropper. Some were filled with green liquid like lime or dissolved frog skin, some with blue like the sky or sea, some with red like blood or pink like cupcake icing- there were so many combinations, each with their own label like 'Rose Blood' or 'Swine Ears'. But Snow-White ignored all of these deadly concoctions and instead reached for the little red bottle at the back labelled 'Red Ash'.

She carried the little bottle over to the table and dropped to the one-two-three-four drops onto the apple. In seconds, it was a lush red and as deadly as an assassin. Dropping the apple carefully into her apron, Snow-White slipped out of the door and into the corridor. As if perfectly timed, a butler appeared with a tray of afternoon tea for the Queen.

"Oh, Frederick, you look so exhausted. Let me take the Queen her tea." Snow-White gave a sickly-sweet smile and snatched the tray.

Dumbfounded, Frederick could only stand and watch as she stalked off, tea erupting from the pot with every high-heeled step. As soon as she was out of sight, Snow-White placed the apple neatly on the tray and headed off in the direction of the Queen's chambers.

Knocking lightly on the door, Snow- White prepared her false smile for action. She pushed the door open and entered dramatically into the room, elegantly prancing up to her step-mothers bed.

"Oh, step-mother, dear step-mother, Frederick claimed he had a terrible case of the flu, but he gave me your tea to give to you."

"Oh, thank you dear. Your father is such a lucky man to have such a sweet daughter. Is this my favourite fruit I see?" The Queen smiled and picked up the fruit. The exact moment her lips touched the blood-red skin of the apple, she fell to the ground, dead.

The doorknob began to turn and a voice called out:

"Queen, is that you?"

"Frederick." Snow- White muttered under her breath, considering her plan of escape. She needed to think quickly. Finally, a plan came.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh." A high pitched scream flew from her mouth and filled the air.

"Queen?" the door flew open and Frederick rushed in, terror flooding through his eyes.

"What did you do?" he growled, "Murderer!"

"I did nothing. It's that stupid apple you gave her! She choked." Snow-White cried, her voice rising in denial.

"I didn't give her an apple!"

"What is all this screaming?" yelled the King, entering the room fiercely.

"The Queen is dead." Snow-White replied mournfully, dropping her head as though she was sad.

"Lauren!" cried the King, dashing to her side and kneeling before her. Tears flowed from his eyes like rain. His stout belly jiggling with every sob, his richly jewelled robes became stained with tears, absorbing his low moans and wails. He turned to look at Snow-White, his emerald green eyes brimming with tears.

"Who did this?"

Snow-White and Frederick glanced at each other, and then pointed at one another. Frederick bowed then rushed to the phone and dialled a number.

"Who are you calling?" Asked Snow-White, as innocently as she could muster. This was working great.

"The doctors."

After half an hour of patiently positioning themselves around the room, the door flew open and in entered seven exceedingly short men.

"Bonjour! Je'mappelle Sleepy. At your service." A short light brown haired dwarf stepped forward, bowed, and then yawned. He wore a black beret over his shiny hair and a horizontally striped black and white shirt. His grey patched trousers were held up by black braces.

"G'day, I'm Happy. How can I help you?"

"Good Day to you. How may we assist you, is what he means to say. I cannot tolerate slang. I am Dock, and exceedingly pleased to be of your acquaintance."

Dock stepped forward and held out his hand. His blonde curly hair was tied back in a ponytail and he wore an expensive looking tailcoat (size extra-extra-extra-small) and a pitch black tie. His accent was strong and English. Happy stood grinning behind him. He too had blonde curly hair, but his hung about his face like weedy pasta and covered his glimmering green eyes.

"My dear stepmother the Queen has just died. She choked on the apple that this butler here gave her."

"Hem- hem, we'll be the ones making accusations, interferer!" cried a dark haired dwarf. "Wir machen die VorwürfeWir. " his voice was thick and German, and his face was coated in wrinkled frown lines. His nose was as large and red as a ripe tomato and he was dressed in a karki uniform with badges of all different colours and designs of dentistry and doctory.

"Sorry that my brother Grumpy is a little impatient, I'm afraid he woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Dock claimed apologetically.

"Ha- more like every morning!" snorted Happy.

"Anyhow, we should get to work. Please give time and place of death and we'll examine the body. Call every servant into this room. Everyone is a suspect!" Dock announced.

Once everyone who was in the castle grounds at that moment was in a straight line before the seven little men, the interragation began.

"Every maid step forward!" Happy cried, his round, jolly face still grinning spectacularly. "Where were you all at 4:15 pm?"

The tallest maid stepped forward:

"We were all cleaning the hallways."

"Did you see anyone? Perhaps holding this poisoned apple?"

"No."

Grumpy had shuffled forward and now slumped himself down against the floor, closely examining the apple.

"Butlers?" Dock commanded.

"We were all with the king, well, except Frederick."

"So, where were you, Frederick?"

"Bringing the Queen her afternoon tea, sir."

"Her poisinous afternoon tea?"

"I DID NOT GIVE HER AN APPLE!" Frederick schreeched. "STOP ACCUSING ME!"

"So guilty! He gave her poisoned tea!" Snow-White shreiked.

"Tea?" Dock was becoming more and more curious.

"Oops."

Snow-White turned around and dashed for the door, tripping upon the two dozing dwarves, Sleepy and Grumpy.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Grumpy's reaction was just as expected.

"Didn't see you!" she replied, rising to her feet speedily.

"DIDN'T SEE ME? IS IT MY FAULT I'M SHORT? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GROW!" Grumpy seized the apple and shoved it into Snow-White's gaping mouth. With a crash, she fell to the ground, dead.

It had been a tough day for the King. First, his lovely wife, then his daughter, evil as she may be, had lost their lives to the same apple. Dock had done his best to persuade him that there was a cure, but the old grey haired palace jeweler was already hard at work making a glass coffin for the beautiful woman. Snow-White would have a coffin too, painted as black as her hair and heart.

Just as the King was sitting and mourning, Happy leapt into the room. He was wearing boardshorts and a blue rash-shirt. His face had been covered with zinc and sunscreen and the smell of barbequed sausages and meat pies wafted of him like smoke from a cigarrette.

"There's a cure!"

"There is?" the King cried, bouncing to his feet. "Is it reincarnation, raising from the dead? Is one of your brothers egyptian?"

"Yes, No, Yes. There is a cure, no, its not reincarnation, but yes, Sneezy is egyptian. The cure is, drum roll please..."

At that moment, in entered Dock with a set of drums, of which he was hitting madly.

"TRUE LOVES KISS!" Happy announced.

The Queen lay in the glass coffin, loooking as heavenly as heaven itself, her face as angelic as the beings themselves. The King sucked in his supermassive belly, leant down, and kissed her. In seconds, her eyes fluttered open. Then he kissed her again, and the celebrations began.

Now, you're probably wondering what happened to the magic mirror. Although it was an item of dark magic, it was far to elegant to destroy. Instead, they named that day 'Magic Mirror Day' and everyone in the land delighted the mirror with curious questions on that particular day that year. Until that day, it sat in Snow-White's room, available for questions so it never grew bored. And as for that door that Snow-White slammed, it has not stopped groaning to this day.

Snow-White herself was saved by a handsome prince who rode away with her. I just hope he's happy with her spoilt ways. Maybe she's improved. And so, to conclude, every one lived:

HAPPILY EVER AFTER!


End file.
